apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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