hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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