Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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