Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
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