But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
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