Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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