found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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