I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
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