I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
And then my night got REAL pukey
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
