I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
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I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
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She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
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