listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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