Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
