Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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