i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Randomize
