I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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