if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Randomize
