dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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