Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Randomize
