u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
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