tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
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Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
3pm strippers are depressing
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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