oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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