No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
