it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
