I just made out with a guy for $7.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
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