if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
