So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
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