I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
