My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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