I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
