you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
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