yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Randomize
