Define "chronic" masturbator.
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
