I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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