Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
