ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
