mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
