Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...