$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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