Moan for me like Helen Keller
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
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