im having a threesome with these popsicles
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
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