i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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