Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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