you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize