She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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