Will you blow on my dice?
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
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