Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
