it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
