There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
