My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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