Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
sarcasm needs its own font
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
