we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His hands were made for my vagina.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
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