wrigley field is MILF paradise
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I skipped work to stalk him.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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