Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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