Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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