your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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