How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize
