Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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