1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
She tied me up with her honor cords...
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
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