Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
