I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I am mentally ready for anal.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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