The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
