I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Randomize
