How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Randomize
