Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
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